* SHAKING *

You said that i'm Moron.
Yea~i admit it.
And i wrote a paragraph at 15th DECEMBER 2009.
But i wrote it in chinese.
The day you betray me.
I wrote it after i found you that day.
Look here.
How stupid am i.
And what a super moron wrote that day........
Remember.I ask you to read this not because i want you to pity me.
Not want you to feel guilty.
Not even hope you will back to me.
I just want you to know before you call me moron.
Please understand all the things.
If still wanna fight then i still will deal with it.
And i wont be moron twice.


16th DECEMBER 2009
My birthday.
GOD cracked a joke with me.
This joke lets me not be able to pay the price.
If can let the time flow backwards.
May take back this joke?
I do not want to accept him to give me this birthday gift.I really cannot receive.
His so-called birthday gift is lets me see him and that girl all dialogues with own eyes.Scene direct seeding.
Looks at them in here every single word or phrase.
Ambiguous phrase.
Let my whole body shiver.Tears can't even stop dropping.
I rather what i see is not real.
But that is a fact.I must face.
When he writes to her each word.
He had once has thought about me?
Although on his finger is also bringing the ring which I deliver.
But he has already forgotten that ring significance.
He has also forgotten everything that he promised me.
Actually I already knew that there's no any love from him to me.
Pale.Stuffy.Greasy.
Is me can't let him go.
Because i can't understand that he treat me hot and cold sometimes.
I deeply believed thought he loves me.
But I am lying myself.
The things happen today actually it's the things i can expected.
But I could not accept.
And don't even know how come that i'm so brave.
Straight go find him and wanna broke up with him.
When i see him. I do not dare to look straight ahead his eyes.Because I scare that I could fluster tenderheartedly.
I take off on his finger the ring.
The tear flows copiously.I erase.
I told him honestly I saw their all dialogues.
I told him many things.But he only returns to me several characters.
Is perfunctory.
I also said he has really given me an extremely good gift.
I walked.He also turned around.
I hoped he will hold me back.But it's the thing he will never do.
Because his heart is not belongs to me anymore.He did not love me.
Going home.
Is looking the ceiling.The memories turn around in the mind.
Cried.I tried to control the sob sound.Cause awake my dad.
At that moment.I can't control myself again.I taken my phone up.Wrote a message to him。。You still remembered today is my birthday?
He returns to me.。。Ya.So what?!!!
I have asked why he did these all things to me?
He said he knew that I'm looking at it so he write it all.
That is only an excuse.
He said he did not want to chat.He wont care about it anymore.Goodbye.
That is his last message.
I said I can pray for heavenly blessing you.You wont see me again..
Tears.Got wet the entire face.wipes it again and again.
I even as silly to hurt myself to kill all pains.
I did it.
But I am sober.
I also know when i'm being stupid here.
And he will just sleeping there without any sadness.Or he's sms with that girl.
I try to not think about it.I also try to sleep. But failed.
Could not sleep.lying on the bed like a dead body.Tears keep dropping.
Was thinking what's the reasons that made me love him that much.Untill can't can't let him go.
I have no idea.No answer.
Thinking about all the things he said and promised me before.
Said wanna have the future with me.Said will marry with me.Said wants me to stay with him and celebrates together every anniversary day.
Hypocrisy.All are just lie.
But I am willing to cheating by him.I want to be that victim.
Although the scars are countless.But I thought it's all worth.
I am really stupid.
Friends told me that i should wake up.
But i don't want to.I'd rather lying myself that he will back to me but he will never again.
But i really don't want to let everything gone like this.
Will he ever thinking about the memories of us?
Will he?..............Wont.....
He left now.Wont come back to me again.Because has a person to wait for him.
But who wont like the pretty roses and like that grass right?
He could not come back.
But his shadow forever can keep in my heart.
Nobody can replace.Nobody can substitute.
If really he find me back someday.
My heart will open for him again.Even if I knew that can let me hurt deeply again.
But I want.
Cause he's the one i love the most.
I can sacricefice all the things to him.Cause i deeply believe that he's the right person for me.
Even he did the bad things to me.I accept.I really do.
Cause only i know how much i love him.
Birthday.Christmas.All the plans gone.Have to over all alone.
He will have his lover very soon.But I do not want to know.Don't want to drop a tear again.
God.I bet don't play around me again.Don't let any bad things happen on me again.I need times to recover......
Raining day.Will he even thinking about me?He wont.
But I can't get rid his face in my mind.
I am still loving him.Deep is loving.
The time really can recover my pain?
If it can.Then how long times i need to take?
Will it take the rest of my whole life till the day i dead?

我爱他 - 叮当*a song*
他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

............

END

♥* 颤抖 *♥

16th DECEMBER 2009
我的生日。
上天跟我开了个玩笑。
这个玩笑让我付不起代价。
如果能让时间倒流。
可以把这玩笑收回去吗。
我也不想收下他给我这份生日礼物。我实在受不起。
他所谓的生日礼物就是让我亲眼看见他和他所有的对话。现场直播。
在这儿看着他们的一字一句。
暧昧的字眼。
让我全身颤抖。眼泪没有一刻社停止过的。
我宁愿眼前的不是真的。
但那是个事实。我得面对。
当他对她写的每一字。
他有曾想过我吗？
虽然他手指上还带着我送的戒指。
但他早已忘了那戒指的意义了。
他也忘了他对我的承诺。
其实我早已知道他对我的爱逐渐消失。
淡了。闷了。腻了。
是我还不肯放手让他走。
因为他的忽冷忽热让我难以捉摸。
我深信以为他还是爱我的。
但我是在骗我自己。
今天发生了这件事。其实是在我预料之中。
但我还是接受不了。
也不知哪来的勇气。
让我上门找他说分手。
看到他我不敢直视他眼睛。因为我怕我会慌了而心软。
我脱下他手指上的戒指。
眼泪夺眶而出。我抹掉。
坦诚对他说我看到了他们所有的对话。
我说了很多。但他只回我几个字。
敷衍吗。
我也说他真的给了我一份非常棒的礼物。
我走了。他也转身走了。
我多希望他会挽留。但他是绝对不会的。
因为他的心不在我这。他不爱我了。
回家。
望着天花板。回忆又在涌起在脑海。
哭了。压抑着哭泣声。怕惊醒了老爸。
再也忍不住。拿起了手机。写了封信息。。。你还记得今天是我的生日吗。。
他回我。。。记得。那又怎样。。。
我有问他为什么要这样做。。
他说他知道我会看所以故意写给我看的。。
那只是个借口。
他是从来不会认错的一个人。
他说他不想聊了。他不会再在乎。再见。。
那是他最后一封信息。
我说我会祝福你们。你不会再看到我。。。
眼泪。弄湿了整脸。怎么抹也抹不掉。
我甚至傻到想要伤害自己去解脱所有的痛。
但我是清醒的。
我也知道我在这痛苦的时候。
可能他是毫无忧愁的睡着。或是跟那个她暧昧的传着信息。
我试着不要去想。我也试着去睡。不能。
入不了眠。躺在床上想死人般。不时掉着眼泪。
在想到底是什么让我这么的爱他。放不下他。
想不透。得不到答案。
想着他的话。之前的甜言蜜语。
说要跟我有未来。说要和我结婚。说要我呆在这和他一起庆祝每一次的纪念日。
虚情假意。都是骗人的。
但我愿意被他骗。我愿意做那个受害者。
尽管伤痕累累。我还是觉得值得。
我是被虐狂。可以这么说吧。
他现在离开了。不会再回来找我。因为有一个人在等着他。
有谁会不坐渡轮而去划那破烂的伐木呢。
他不会回来了。
但他的影子永远都会留在我心里。
没有人能代替。没有人能取代。
如果真的有那么一天他会来找我。
我的心还是会为他打开。即使我知道那会让我伤得更深。
但我愿意。
生日。圣诞。全部的计划都消失了。只好一个人过。
他很快就会有伴了。但我不想知道。不想再掉一滴眼泪。
老天爷。求你别再耍我了。别再让一些不好的事发生。我需要时间消化。
下雨天。他会忽然想起我吗。不会。
但我怎么也摆不脱对他的思念。
我依然爱着他。深深的爱着。
时间真的可以冲淡一切吗。
如果是。那要多久。
一辈子吗。




我爱他 叮当
他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好