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Thursday, December 17, 2009

* SHAKING *


You said that i'm Moron.
Yea~i admit it.
And i wrote a paragraph at 15th DECEMBER 2009.
But i wrote it in chinese.
The day you betray me.
I wrote it after i found you that day.
Look here.
How stupid am i.
And what a super moron wrote that day........
Remember.I ask you to read this not because i want you to pity me.
Not want you to feel guilty.
Not even hope you will back to me.
I just want you to know before you call me moron.
Please understand all the things.
If still wanna fight then i still will deal with it.
And i wont be moron twice.


16th DECEMBER 2009
My birthday.
GOD cracked a joke with me.
This joke lets me not be able to pay the price.
If can let the time flow backwards.
May take back this joke?
I do not want to accept him to give me this birthday gift.I really cannot receive.
His so-called birthday gift is lets me see him and that girl all dialogues with own eyes.Scene direct seeding.
Looks at them in here every single word or phrase.
Ambiguous phrase.
Let my whole body shiver.Tears can't even stop dropping.
I rather what i see is not real.
But that is a fact.I must face.
When he writes to her each word.
He had once has thought about me?
Although on his finger is also bringing the ring which I deliver.
But he has already forgotten that ring significance.
He has also forgotten everything that he promised me.
Actually I already knew that there's no any love from him to me.
Pale.Stuffy.Greasy.
Is me can't let him go.
Because i can't understand that he treat me hot and cold sometimes.
I deeply believed thought he loves me.
But I am lying myself.
The things happen today actually it's the things i can expected.
But I could not accept.
And don't even know how come that i'm so brave.
Straight go find him and wanna broke up with him.
When i see him. I do not dare to look straight ahead his eyes.Because I scare that I could fluster tenderheartedly.
I take off on his finger the ring.
The tear flows copiously.I erase.
I told him honestly I saw their all dialogues.
I told him many things.But he only returns to me several characters.
Is perfunctory.
I also said he has really given me an extremely good gift.
I walked.He also turned around.
I hoped he will hold me back.But it's the thing he will never do.
Because his heart is not belongs to me anymore.He did not love me.
Going home.
Is looking the ceiling.The memories turn around in the mind.
Cried.I tried to control the sob sound.Cause awake my dad.
At that moment.I can't control myself again.I taken my phone up.Wrote a message to him。。You still remembered today is my birthday?
He returns to me.。。Ya.So what?!!!
I have asked why he did these all things to me?
He said he knew that I'm looking at it so he write it all.
That is only an excuse.
He said he did not want to chat.He wont care about it anymore.Goodbye.
That is his last message.
I said I can pray for heavenly blessing you.You wont see me again..
Tears.Got wet the entire face.wipes it again and again.
I even as silly to hurt myself to kill all pains.
I did it.
But I am sober.
I also know when i'm being stupid here.
And he will just sleeping there without any sadness.Or he's sms with that girl.
I try to not think about it.I also try to sleep. But failed.
Could not sleep.lying on the bed like a dead body.Tears keep dropping.
Was thinking what's the reasons that made me love him that much.Untill can't can't let him go.
I have no idea.No answer.
Thinking about all the things he said and promised me before.
Said wanna have the future with me.Said will marry with me.Said wants me to stay with him and celebrates together every anniversary day.
Hypocrisy.All are just lie.
But I am willing to cheating by him.I want to be that victim.
Although the scars are countless.But I thought it's all worth.
I am really stupid.
Friends told me that i should wake up.
But i don't want to.I'd rather lying myself that he will back to me but he will never again.
But i really don't want to let everything gone like this.
Will he ever thinking about the memories of us?
Will he?..............Wont.....
He left now.Wont come back to me again.Because has a person to wait for him.
But who wont like the pretty roses and like that grass right?
He could not come back.
But his shadow forever can keep in my heart.
Nobody can replace.Nobody can substitute.
If really he find me back someday.
My heart will open for him again.Even if I knew that can let me hurt deeply again.
But I want.
Cause he's the one i love the most.
I can sacricefice all the things to him.Cause i deeply believe that he's the right person for me.
Even he did the bad things to me.I accept.I really do.
Cause only i know how much i love him.
Birthday.Christmas.All the plans gone.Have to over all alone.
He will have his lover very soon.But I do not want to know.Don't want to drop a tear again.
God.I bet don't play around me again.Don't let any bad things happen on me again.I need times to recover......
Raining day.Will he even thinking about me?He wont.
But I can't get rid his face in my mind.
I am still loving him.Deep is loving.
The time really can recover my pain?
If it can.Then how long times i need to take?
Will it take the rest of my whole life till the day i dead?

我爱他 - 叮当*a song*
他的镜框留在 某一节车厢
地下铁里的风 比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊
对他唯一遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了 就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开 爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖 越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他 轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦 狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他 相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏 都不肯醒来
我爱他 跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心 深深伤过却不会忘
我和他 不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂 最重的荒唐
如果还有遗憾 是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪 都停不下来
若那一刻重来 我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

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